are you still at the devil's house?
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
