You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
