I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
