pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
