just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
