just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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