I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
