So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
