Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize