I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
