That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
