I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
