I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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