good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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