How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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