oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
