So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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