So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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