new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
