If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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