whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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