what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
