Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize