Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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