ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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