Midget sex pt 2 tonight
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
