Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
there is glitter all over my balls
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
