i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
