do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
