Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
