I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
