stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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