whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
