I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
