you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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