Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
