i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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