South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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