I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
