I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
