sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
