Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize