i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
