im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
