ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize