Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
worst night to have a conscience
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
