so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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