I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
