Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize