Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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