Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
