Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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