YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
