so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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