then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize