saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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