I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
