too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
