ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
