i just had sex bonerless
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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