Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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