bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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